This has been on my mind a lot yesterday. I suddenly realized the utter humiliation that recent events have made of feminists.
We know now, especially undeniably since #\MeToo, that abuse of women is everywhere. Literally everywhere. Hollywood is soaked in abuse, the sports world is the same, any industries, organizations and institutions are as well. This is patriarchy. Both in the USA, as well as in my country or the UK (with the recent revelations regarding the banquet) or all those other countries everywhere: if men are in charge, and men are the dominant group of people, women will be abused. It’s a pleasant exception when there’s actual respect, but far from the norm. It’s not just the super-rich hedonists or some other faceless, far-away boogeyman, it’s men, everywhere, always. And we can complain, but our hands are tied, as we rely on patriarchy to police itself. It takes more than 150 women to get 1 man convicted, and still many men bemoan the poor guy’s fate. Patriarchy has shown time and time again, for millennia, that it won’t help us. It’ll let our abusers and rapists walk free, save for some very rare circumstances, and leave us as vulnerable victims to be finished off, unless other women help us. It won’t protect us and it won’t give us justice. Our abuser can stalk us, or move on to his next prey, and it’s always women who pay the price. Why would it self-police? Patriarchy itself is the perpetrator, a system that is abusive in its very nature!
Just look at all the men who’ll defend porn and prostitution until they’re blue in the face. They feel very muchentitled to abuse us.
Women want them prosecuted, want men to fix their own messes. Morally I agree, but in reality, it’s like asking criminals to self-police, small children to finally behave when their parents aren’t looking, corrupt bankers to hold eachother accountable. Nothing will happen. While it’s men’s problem, they’re in the privileged position to deny it, which is why we should focus our efforts entirely on elevating women so that they can MAKE it men’s problem. Just like a burglar needs an external force to own up to his crime, so do we need to somehow create leverage so that men finally get something to fear from us. We need to get angry, and use that anger to set up our own institutions and resources, wholly owned and created by women. The legal system won’t do it, so we have to find a way to do it otherwise. We need to bundle our powers.
Recent events show, humiliatingly, how powerless we really are
Depressing message, right? But I think it’s true and it showed the failure of the 3d wave.
We can only fix this through another feminist wave, revolutionary and radical in its approach towards patriarchy. Awareness doesn’t do it, writing heartfelt stories about the effects of rape won’t do it, campaigning for consent won’t do it. Aziz Ansari, who pretty much sexually assaulted a woman (in my country, several of the things he did were against the law already, which people are happy to forget) and who poses himself as somewhat of a ”feminist” comedian, went way over the line, as did Louis CK, another wolf in sheep’s clothing. This man Ansari, who, as I discovered, has written a book about romance and of whom we can assume that he knows what consent is, ignored all that because beneath the veneer of male faux feminism (maux feminism?) he’s still just another dude, backed by patriarchy, unhindered in his misogyny. This ”woke” guy had so little actual empathy for a woman, such a limited feeling for her humanity, that he committed a sex crime like it’s nothing, and most of us agree that it’s nothing… masking our shame and pain that this is in fact normal male behavior. I’m sad to say it, but this shows how powerless we are, how little all those campaigns for consent have been. Men may nod and cheer you on, and then they’ll stick their finger in the vagina of an unconsenting woman.
”Soft change” through spreading awareness has done very little. Begging for empathy and understanding brought us nowhere. Involving men in the conversation has been a mockery.
Really, the supposedly best guys that we had, are assaulters and misogynists as well. We’re on our own as women, and it’s time to realize that and bring back the focus on us as a sex class and leave all males out of it. As a class, they’ve shown us what they’re worth, and how we literally cannot know who is to be trusted. Despite all the virtue signaling, we still can only judge men on an individual basis, not based on what they say, but what they do in private. We need to create resources on our own as women, we have to leave men out of it entirely.
We need real changes. ”Consent is sexy” doesn’t cut it, self-empowerment doesn’t do it, asking our oppressors to please oppress us less doesn’t do it, and even those who seemed decent and who were capable of parroting some slogans utterly fail to see us as humans. Despite the efforts, despite the heartfelt articles, despite the campaigning, men don’t care. Individuals will, but certainly not as a class. This is a really painful lesson imo, it makes women’s efforts look so silly, so quaint, even while I disagree with a lot of the 3d wave… it’s just painful. Our words our powerless when directed at men as a class and hard change is the only way forward. By asking patriarchal systems to prosecute men for us, is like kicking a wall and only hurting our foot, we will need to bring a sledgehammer. No more wishy-washy genderqueer drivel, we need RADICAL CHANGE.
Recent events really illustrated how powerless we are. How little influence we really have. The contempt that men have for us. I just really want that anger and pain to result in change, in our own resources, in focusing on each other and creating leverage, creating power for ourselves. Forget men, they’re scum. We will have to do it.